— witsandnuts

For my cousin, L

My cousin placed third in the most recent ECE board exams. It’s almost been a week since our family and relatives savored this blessing. I’m sometimes a little unorthodox. Instead of congratulating my cousin, I directed my delight to her parents first, “I’m so proud of you.” Then I sent her an SMS, “Ang galing galing mo! Congrats!” She replied, “Thanks po, Ate. Blessing lang din po ni God.”

I rooted in a clan who is relatively responsible when it comes to academics. I never realized it until I was associated to my mother’s, aunts’, and elder ones’ lives as a student before my graduation in elementary. It’s like taking care a record from one generation to another. Since I am the eldest in my generation (among the cousins), I was not really obliged to excel but as I look back now, I would say that in a way, I deniably wanted to set a good example.

We were raised in a way that there was “a pretending no pressure system”. I remember my late grandfather having a reward system of giving PhP 1 for each perfect quiz/test we earned. We thought it was all for pure fun. Then occasionally, one or two of the elders would make story telling – real stories of our elders/relatives as students. We didn’t realize that the psychology was discreetly beginning. We were generally trained to learn on our own to a major extent and to live simply especially while still a student. And these worked.

I remember when I got a 70% mark in one of my Math assignments when I was in third grade. Because I didn’t study, I literally took it for granted. I cried and felt so ashamed, with no one blaming me. Maybe that’s the reason why I thought I hated numbers. To my horror, my high school started Advanced Algebra as one of the electives during my time. Surprisingly, I was consistently rewarded for Math since elementary. I began to think that fate was playing with me. That even if I hated it, it loves me. That fate brought me to my bachelor’s degree, without really wanting it.

College was challenging. Despite my dislike for numbers, I had to survive them for the love of my clan (more than the expectations; or maybe I also learned to love it I just didn’t realize). Thinking that I have to set a good example. Just like a normal student, I had my moments of wanting to shift to another course. But when I thought that I was almost at the finish line and considering the waste of time and resources, I did stick to it. During college, I became friends with a number of people who can only have marks, 100% or 100% in their quizzes. “My dad won’t be happy if it’s only 97%”. Ack, I’m still lucky. I also had the company of secretly grade conscious, happy-go-lucky-but-responsible ones. It was indeed chopsuey.

Fastforward. I burned my head preparing for the board exams (I remember I became so religious then, doing a regular novena to Saint Jude and other saints, oh, those days!). Then after board, the real life begins… and no longer goes to Saint Jude Church. Eeek.

That time, my cousin L was about to go to College. She wanted to take up my same course. However, she got a scholarship from DOST and was forced to devote her life to ECE instead. I can totally relate with her experience of giving sleepless nights of study for a field that she didn’t really (initially) want. It’s ironic though. We sometimes say we don’t really want to be in it, but we seem to be destined for it.

So the ‘taking care of the records’ continue. I love the way that the younger ones are not really feeling the pressure (or hey, might be just pretending?). We live in a way that there’s no contest. But we’re supposed to give our best shot. If one fails, no one will blame but everyone will shower hugs. Taking care of the records of course is not limited to academics. We’re just human, some are taking care of the other field.

As I grew older (and hopefully wiser), we realized that we like the way we were brought up (I must admit with some refinement though), especially about being able to live simply as we can. To being mold like a wild grass that can possibly survive everywhere. However, life is random and as we take each step, it sometimes gets crazy! It’s a cycle.

I remember how happy we were whenever we survived qualifying test while in college.
… then shaken when we realized there’s still senior year to juggle.
We felt triumphant after graduation.
… suddenly scared because there was still board exams to battle
We felt like a lotto winner after the board exams.
… slapped to realize that I am not the lone certified ek-ek in my field
… shaken that I then need to make a real living
Felt good when I had my first job
… realizing that books are classical, in actual world, it’s like a jungle
… that some of the lessons in college won’t be fully utilized in fieldwork
… but I love the “real world”
… but student life is the best!
… realized that a high paying job + harmonious environment is a hardly coveted combination
Felt better as changes transpired
… that I NEEDED another certification
… that I WANTED another certification again
… I have to keep moving
Felt DEVASTED as I fail
Felt ENLIGHTENED when I finally enjoy the beauty of debit and credits in life
Felt BEST as I grow older
…because I find my worth and meaning in life

And it goes on…

To my dear cousin, we’re proud of you. The journey has just begun. It’s not going to be a bed of roses. But just find your purpose and live meaningfully. Everything will follow. Remember to read the signs carefully. Take it easy when taking shortcuts. Some of it is directed to hell. Be human. Be humble but be assertive. Be crazy, just sometimes. When you’re old, you’ll be proud that you’ve done crazy stuff to a manageable extent. Lastly, be childlike. It’s the most enjoyable phase, isn’t it?

Welcome to real world!

P.S. I forgot to tell you, don’t forget to read Twilight Saga and you now can have a boyfriend (only if you like). Your academic obligations are done.